Determination

How easy is it to lose your determination? When I think of people who were challenged as children, with situations that were beyond their comprehension and sometimes control, I wonder how much it took for them to lose it. What makes a person fall so deep that they stop being who they are?

Our determination causes our actions, which defines our character. When we stop short and look over the edge, we never take firm action. We won't fight for what we need and our character will be hazy at best.

I've seen people who have lost hope that things can change, or that they can have any effect on their lives. They simply don't believe it's possible that they have any more control over what they feel. They feel the world happening around them, and they are ducking the blows.

I've seen people who give up on themselves altogether and leave the part that has lost determination behind. This is a difficult experience because the person is determined in one part of themselves, but not in another, and rather than bear the weight of their collapsed counterpart, they push on ahead and leave that part of them behind. But they can never be rid of that piece of them, and a struggle ensues within the mind.

I've been motivated to do a lot of things, but I keep stumbling over a distinction between determination and motivation. Motivation happens when I tell myself that something 'should' be acted upon - I give myself the 'reason' or 'motive' that a certain action must occur. Determination only activates once I've given myself enough space to make a choice that I completely commit to - a choice for which I am willing to struggle if necessary. Sometimes I mistake one for the other, and I confuse my intentions.

I am definitely finding that sitting down in a peaceful place and allowing my mind to feel exhalted helps allow my determination to step forth.

I love to be in awe. I love to be fascinated. The beauty of a moment, which reminds me to take a full breath of air; to fill my lungs and experience awareness in every single cooling atom that has brought clarity to my mind - I'm determined to find more ways to speak about that beauty.