Sunday, May 22, 2011

A New Day

So, the world hasn't ended. Lots of life savings are being missed by regretful believers, but other than some clothing on the streets without bodies in them and some Judgement Day-themed parties, everyone else is going on with life as usual.

Interestingly, I did experience my first 'earthquake' yesterday. I suspect the intense fear of those who did believe they were going to be vacuumed up into the heavens was strong enough to cause a little shudder in the Earth right near the source of all the preaching.

Or, maybe it was the vacuum moving through and it passed me by.

Well, if I've been left on the Earth with the rest of you sinners, I'm not weeping. We live in and around an immense amount of beauty, and I'm not complaining.

I'll stick with peace and relaxation for the next five months of the Rapture, and when the next Judgement Day comes and goes, I'll remain calm as those who prefer panic over peace scream and yell about 2012. 

We're gonna have to up our ante after 2012, and do a little more re-interpretations of the Bible to find the next big apocalypse. Those who haven't already given up their life savings can feel comforted that there will always be something more ominous around the corner - and the most exciting part is they can lead the flock next time!

My advice if you want to lead a flock: just make something up that sounds minimally plausible, and figure out ways to read the Bible so it sounds as though it's defending your point. It doesn't have to say anything relevant, but just make sure you read it passionately and then instantly redirect the listener's attention with passionate statements about their impending doom. If they question you, inform them of their ignorance and don't acknowledge their concern.

Works every time.

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