Monday, September 27, 2010

Digging Deeper

One of the reasons for creating my blog was that I wanted to express my thought processes and struggles.  I wanted to be able to resonate with others and maybe even clarify things for them that they hadn't seen before, while also learning about myself. However, I then imagined going into deep, rambling analyses of myself that wouldn't be interesting for others to read at all. So I came up with the idea of a little section I would like to call "Digging Deeper"
(until I come up with something more poetic :-p)

The idea is to share different characters - that aren't completely me, and aren't completely unlike me either - and analyze what they say and what they mean. So often, people are triggered when speaking to someone, and they respond defensively in order to preserve some element of themselves. Ironically, it might be that they are protecting the very thing they dislike about themselves and that has just been triggered. This happens when the thing they hope to change about themselves has become such a deep habit that they don't realize what they are protecting. Consequently, what results is a response that doesn't really get to the heart of the person's fears and emotions. 

Of course, there are a lot of instances in our social dynamics where we do say what we mean. Those are the times that we aren't feeling in question about our most insecure crevices. But, when we are not saying what we mean, we usually think we pretend pretty well and other people can't see the truth. Generally, though, we are more transparent than we realize.

So what I wanted to do was take different elements of myself and other people, how they respond and react to what is true, and share a little dual-commentary. The first is what the person would say to the world, and the second is what they really are worried about being true. It's just for fun. And it's about no one specific. Just a little literary cognitive analysis. 

The Disrespected
It’s amazing how disrespectful people can be - I’m talking consistently, and without cause. So often I will try to have a conversation with someone and they will interrupt me and start talking about themselves without even acknowledging what I’ve been saying. They are all so self absorbed, and it doesn’t seem worth it to open myself up to people and talk to them at all. At this point, the only time I'm willing to interact with them is when I have to, in regards to work, or going to the store - that sort of thing. Other than that, I have no interest in wasting my time trying to talk at selfish, robotic minds. It’s shocking because I certainly think it’s important that humans communicate with one another. And you would think that people would get that and try to hear one another, rather than be disrespectful and wallow in their personal dramas. It isolates us all, and I think that’s pretty ridiculous. 
The Unheard

I feel like I’m not being listened to. It really upsets me when no one hears me - when they interrupt me and start talking about something else. It makes me feel as though what I’m saying is irrelevant. It’s happened enough that I’m not really interested in speaking up. It doesn’t feel worth it because everyone seems to think that I’m not worth listening to. What’s important to me must not be relevant to most other people, and so what I’m saying is offered with less and less confidence. How can I feel confident if people aren’t receiving the words I am giving? It really helps to have a sounding board - someone to give me feedback and acknowledge that I’m thinking thoughts and that they mean something to someone else. Without that feedback, I feel like I’m nothing. People are supposed to seek out connections and strive to understand one another, aren’t they? I don't know how to feel justified in speaking anymore.

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