Thursday, September 16, 2010

I find myself...

I find myself far from where I’ve started. I am sitting at my computer - excitedly dreaming and worrying  -  and also realizing that I’m home. I’ve come this far for a reason - a noble one, at that, if I may say so. I’ve come here to fully release the me who I’ve been fighting to keep hidden for so long. I feel so much possibility. I feel the first wisps of Relief’s breath. But she’s followed me. That nasty little voice in my head that renders it almost impossible to discern exactly what I’ve hidden. She’s still perched on my shoulders, criticizing every choice I make. And as she babbles in my ear, I realize that I had lost sight of who I am. Although I could sometimes see myself when I looked in the mirror, in fits and starts, she certainly made it inconsistent enough that I had trouble remembering what I was looking for. In fact, despite knowing that I was here and had a lot to say, I hadn’t been able to find myself at all...
This blog was and is meant to seek out and communicate valuable insights and inspirations. To encourage discussion about the ironies we face as we slowly succumb, with intention, choice and power, to our human nature. And of course, to laugh. The ironic situation where I've found myself, in the search for 'me' that I am now undertaking is that I wanted to begin this blog fully informed, fully inspirational, and fully me. I was ready to claim myself as a writer, but I wasn’t prepared to be expressed, or offered into the public domain, until I was ready. How amusing, you may say. Or, how true it is that we fear, almost to paralysis, what we do not know for sure that we will be successful in doing. I seem to have some coherent thoughts running through my head - isn’t it better to put them out into the world rather than hope for their instantaneous evolution into already published, professional prose? 

Well, despite all of my stubbornness and her nagging, my loved ones’ wisdom stood firm: If I wait until I’m ‘ready’, I’m going to let my whole life pass by before anyone has seen me. And I’m not willing to let that happen. The things I want to express in here will fall within the context of a person who is still exploring herself and the world. And I think a lot of people will be able to resonate with that and be able to offer insight as well as gain some personal understanding. So I am beginning the discussion now. I’ve got things to say - and it’s worth hearing. 
Hello, welcome to my blog. 

1 comment:

  1. I'm listening!!!!!! With all the exclamation points in the waiting room.... Funny how these insecure thoughts rumble around in our heads bumping into the things you really know people should hear, that are the lightest and brightest parts of us. How do we let people in on those things we know and need to share. How do we decide what is our sublimation to get ourselves out there, letting people fully understand the beauty and depth of our thoughts/experiances? And why is it so hard to be clumsy the first time we try? Why can't this clumsiness be fun? ...awesome Melly


Please feel free to comment, discuss, challenge, or expand on anything I have written. In fact, I encourage it.