Have you ever hoped the world would unfold in a certain unlikely way, and it happened? Every time it happens to me, I gain a little bit more arrogance that I am godlike. I start to believe if I think something hard enough, it will without fail manifest before my eyes. But I haven't yet gained telekenesis, so my arrogance is still manageable.
No, I jest. I am not gaining excessive arrogance, though I am becoming more confident about choice and control. What I'm realizing is that a lot of the negative energy I was receiving from the world was not because the world was giving me negative energy; it was because I wasn't asking for positive energy. I was standing in the neutral zone, too timid to ask for what I needed from the universe.
Well, of course it didn't provide if I didn't ask.
So I've been asking more often. Saying what I need and then I feel magical because what I ask for blossoms around me. It's been very useful in finding my footing physically as well as emotionally. It's clarified my already existing connections, and it's helping to make new connections happen more naturally.
There is, of course, the balance issue. What I need from the universe also comes with what the universe must give me, to keep everything equal.
Aside: I seem to enjoy vague, abstract descriptions, like the above. I had always thought that they sounded really poetic and intriguing, until I started getting feedback in school. My teachers would say that I was speaking too vaguely and I stopped making sense. That input has followed me to this day, in reactions people have when I try to preface an anecdote I'm about to tell them. So now I'll move on to the more coherent anecdote.
The situations I've been choosing for myself recently have been resulting in happiness and abundance. However, they have also come with strange ironies - karmic ironies, as I see it. Most of my relationships are deeply connected and natural with the people around me. But I've also been surrounding myself with people that I have trouble communicating with, people who frustrate me and make me work to work with them. I'd done a bit of slate wiping and starting fresh since my move, and I deliberately intended to eliminate all future frustrating situations relating to interpersonal connections. (Ah, the Idealist.)
Well, I was beginning to think that the universe was telling me that I needed to teach them, or help them connect with others. Trying to be positive - a friend, a mentor. And in one instance, a person who wasn't connecting with me, was treating me with disrespect and immaturity, turned around when I laid down my boundary and held open the space for them to connect with me. So that was part of it.
In another instance, though, the universe is handing me something else entirely. The universe has given me someone who I see regularly, who unequivocally dislikes me. Someone that I can't be reasonable and friendly to and receive emotions in response that are at least neutral.
I try very hard to keep things positive and neutral, if not downright loving with everyone I encounter (this is of course not including strangers and moments of irrationality - I've had my share of blind rage). But the universe seems to demand that I exist for a time without the rational expectation that trying to connect and make peace will evoke a compatible response in another person.
The universe needs to break me of my naivete, so I can fully manifest. And also, the universe is chastising me once again for holding so desperately to my expectations.
It's fair. And I'm going to keep telling the universe what I need - so I'll take it all in stride.