Possibility

No matter how old we are, we are always faced with infinite possibility.

Passing Time

One thing I've noticed that I've been doing lately is passing time. I keep myself pretty busy, but a lot of the reason is because I'm passing time. Planning to do these few things before I go to this appointment, taking some time to get this stuff in order so I am ready for tomorrow's things. Constant planning doesn't make for much appreciation of what I am doing in the present moment. And of course the obvious question, passing time until what?

For awhile, I thought I was a pretty exceptional girl scout, always able to prepare myself well for whatever was coming, able to shift plans 'spontaneously' because I'd prepared for a wide range of possibilities. Now, it seems less about achieving a badge for efficiency and more about forgetting that the process is the most important experience in anything I'm doing.

It seems so easy to comprehend, and has been said by so many others - "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans" - but my mind kept pulling me back into the grind of planning regardless of this knowledge. I set expectations for myself that I had to achieve, which caused my mind to remain unsettled until, as it claimed, 'it got where it needed to be'. I wasn't yet where I wanted to be so I had to just remain diligent and aware that I wasn't yet 'ready' to move forward.

But, luckily, there is a loving person in my life who was able to reign me back from my illogically logical mechanical madness and remind me that the reason I do anything is because I exist and want to experience that existence.

At this point in time, I need to be continually reminded that I have all the power in my world. That creativity is borne only from my desire to have an amazing experience in my world.

I imagine that's where the importance of having a community can come into play. Upon reflection of the tumult that has been going on these days, in the middle east, in the eurozone, in our US cities at all of the Occupy movements, it seems clear. Humanity, above all, wants to be a part of a community where every person can grow, love, and be completely themselves without any judgement. That type of community would allow people to flourish, because their enjoyment of life would involve doing the things that inspire them, while also caring for and working to co-exist with the rest of their community. Enhancing and improving all aspects of the life we encounter is in our nature. Truly.

But. The glorious but. Can that world still exist, in a world that has so ignorantly forgotten their human community? Those who go out on the streets and protest without full understanding of the power they've been distracted into handing over the past decades, being called hippies and vermin (yes, I've heard this) by the people who have long forgotten to love thy neighbor, to make sure that they and those around them have the necessary means to survive before needlessly judging them and trying to condemn them because they live a life that they don't agree with or understand?

Either the world will release it's deeply held tension, or humanity will become part of the history books. I'll always continue to hope, because that lightness is what drives inspiration, awe, and adventure. Since our apocalypse may be imminent, I think I'll just enjoy what I'm doing right now.


P.S. Wikipedia is doing a fundraising drive - you'd be lying if you said you've never gotten lost on an endless informational tangent that Wikipedia so fluidly leads you through. Even $5 would help. They have a link directly to Paypal - you can shuffle around your money without ever seeing it more than ever before! Here's the link. (No I don't work for them)

In 3D (and 2D!)

Is it just me, or is the statement at the bottom right corner hilarious?

These days, everything is coming out in 3-D (and has a 2-D version to complement it). But to mention at the very bottom of your advertisement that it's also available in 2-D? 

That's like saying, "You must check out this amazing new enhanced technology! Or...you can see the old, unimpressive version too, if that's your thing." 

Maybe just stick with your marketing shtick and let people figure out the rest for themselves. 3-D is the THING these days, regardless that for most movies it's not significantly noticeable and I would be just as satisfied with their 2-D counterparts. However, if you NEED to do 3-D, just do it and don't give a lame shout out to the less dimensionally evolved movie from which your intensified version emerged.

And just for the record - I have no idea what this movie is about. It looks a little like Free Willy and I'm not particularly interested in seeing it anyway, so don't take this as an advertisement.  But it's in 3-D, so that's pretty cool, right? 

Lake in the Valley

The water in the hills trickles down into the valley where I like to go running. 

The result is a lovely lake.  

It makes me think about those experiences that wash over us, as compared to those other experiences that get trapped in our minds. What we become is a combination of those things that couldn't pass by unimpeded, and our ability to let go. For better or for worse, our compendium is unique, created by circumstance and chance. And of course, choice. But it would be unreasonable to assume we truly have complete control. 

But - the lake is beautiful, regardless of the water source, or the places where the water leaks out into the soil. 

Even in the Storm...

This unusual global warming weather that's causing flooding, tornadoes and hurricanes throughout our country is certainly upsetting. It seems unfortunate that we insist on waiting until the damage gets really bad before we admit what we've caused our Earth. Of course, Nature will do what she does, and there's a degree to which we haven't created this. But I think we're finally getting a response after all those years of, "Well, we're still here, so let's push off environmental innovation for another year".

Anyway. What I actually wanted to share wasn't a complaint, but to share my awe about how even in bad weather, there is some breathtaking beauty.

A New Day

So, the world hasn't ended. Lots of life savings are being missed by regretful believers, but other than some clothing on the streets without bodies in them and some Judgement Day-themed parties, everyone else is going on with life as usual.

Interestingly, I did experience my first 'earthquake' yesterday. I suspect the intense fear of those who did believe they were going to be vacuumed up into the heavens was strong enough to cause a little shudder in the Earth right near the source of all the preaching.

Or, maybe it was the vacuum moving through and it passed me by.

Well, if I've been left on the Earth with the rest of you sinners, I'm not weeping. We live in and around an immense amount of beauty, and I'm not complaining.

I'll stick with peace and relaxation for the next five months of the Rapture, and when the next Judgement Day comes and goes, I'll remain calm as those who prefer panic over peace scream and yell about 2012. 

We're gonna have to up our ante after 2012, and do a little more re-interpretations of the Bible to find the next big apocalypse. Those who haven't already given up their life savings can feel comforted that there will always be something more ominous around the corner - and the most exciting part is they can lead the flock next time!

My advice if you want to lead a flock: just make something up that sounds minimally plausible, and figure out ways to read the Bible so it sounds as though it's defending your point. It doesn't have to say anything relevant, but just make sure you read it passionately and then instantly redirect the listener's attention with passionate statements about their impending doom. If they question you, inform them of their ignorance and don't acknowledge their concern.

Works every time.

Able to Play

Too long it's been since words have been flowing out of me. In the midst of work and connections with loved ones, it's been too long. I haven't been writing in the morning. I haven't been tracking my odd dreams.

But it might also be a good thing.

The other day, I was running around and didn't have time to practice guitar. When I finally had a moment to sit down at my boyfriend's house, I picked up his guitar, wanting to touch it for just a short while. It wouldn't be a full-on practice, just a brief reminder to my mind and body. I began picking the strings, in an almost distracted way, simply wanting to feel the strings underneath my fingertips. Suddenly, it sounded like a song. And not a just song that I was playing along to - a unique rhythm that could be considered music that I was creating.  

I laughed suddenly, remembering the feeling when I sit down to 'try' and play a song. I usually end up flailing on the strings, making some rhythmic patterns but never really manifesting a 'song'. And here I was, only trying to touch the strings, with no plan or particular musical endeavor in mind, and I was playing my own music.

Suffice it to say my boyfriend, the professional musician, was quite amused. It's funny how these obvious thresholds are so indiscernible until we stumble and fall right through them.

Suddenly, the world is clearer. And I'm able to play.

 

Finding Interest

I was telling myself I had to do things. Then I scheduled them and made them a permanent item on my to-do list. I couldn't get out of them. If I was tired, I was going to be more tired tomorrow, because I was staying up to finish. If I was mentally exhausted, I was pushing through and squeezing out whatever was left in my mind. If I was emotionally drained, I would pick mindless tasks that didn't require me to engage and be aware of my physical body. If I was lonely, I'd say, "what's next?"

Now, I'm doing just as much, maybe more, than I was before, but it's completely different. I want to do these things. I get excited about what I can do, and if I change my mind and want to alter the schedule I had planned, I can do that. All of the things I put into my schedule don't have to be work-related. They can be completely random and produce nothing in particular.

I want to do some of these things with other people, no longer considering socializing trying to avoid what I should be doing. I'm interested in new things. Maybe things I'm already doing will get set on the back-burner so I can try them, or maybe I will just wait until I can make some more space. I'm paying attention to my body and incorporating everything I do into my mental and physical state. I'm adding more people into my life.

I'm curious and keeping a log of things I'd like-to-do, rather than sitting with the frustrating have-to-dos, which exist so far out of my control I can't even entertain the idea of what I'd like to do because "I don't have time".

I'm moving forward.

Deeds and Words

Presence

There is such a significant difference between being in a place, and being present in a place. Sometimes I think that I'm present but I'm completely in my head, missing everything around me. I might be walking through the woods thinking, "I'm walking through woods, and they are really beautiful", but the act of thinking about the woods actually undermines my experience of the beauty of the woods.

Lately I've become more aware of how frequently I'm present - which is to say, not so much. My lack of focus is a blatant clue. I'm asking to have breakthroughs and to be more expressive, but I'm holding onto the things that keep me unexpressed and unfocused. It feels like laziness, in response to fear. Fear of what, I can't quite articulate. And when I justify being stuck and unable to activate, I've created a self-fulfilling cycle.

Self-fulfilling prophecies are a huge pain. I'd love to reframe my thoughts and accept that the things I have been convincing myself I couldn't unstick and had to figure out how to live with can be fixed. But instead of accepting it as a possibility and letting it unfold, I continue to justify my current state of being because I 'don't know what it looks like' to be any other way. I'm starting to literally see the words, as they come out of my mouth, sliding down to my feet and piling up onto one another, building the very wall that I am speaking about not being able to break through.

I get these headaches when I start trying to explain why I'm upset. The words that come out of my mouth don't accurately express what needs to come out, and the frustration and anger lounge around in my head. Anyone have any good exercises to more effectively release anger? I've been willing to admit that it's there and that I want to express it, but I still haven't been successful in making it flow.

On the positive end of things, moments that I have been experiencing when I am present feel more...just more than they used to. So the depth of my presence is increasing, but the consistency with which I am present in the world is still leaving something to be desired.

Presence, kick Fear's ass, please.

Activism

I took a stand in activism the other day, and I was pretty proud of myself. There's a plot of land out here by the bay which hasn't yet been claimed by park services with strict rules laid upon it, or bought by a corporation to 'redevelop' into landscaped soccer fields. I went to a meeting with a friend who had enlightened my boyfriend and me to the dangers this land now finds itself in from said threats.

I hadn't visited the plot of land since I moved here, so I decided that I would make my way over there before the meeting so I knew what I was fighting for. It turns out to be a place unlike any I have ever seen. There was driftwood art, randomly scattered throughout nature left wild on the little peninsula. There were paths lined by rebar and concrete piles, creatively arranged, and people in tents, actually living there. These people were friendly enough to the random people who walked their dogs, went for a jog, and took a stroll along the bay in their home.

There's something wild and beautiful about this place, and that it's been able to retain its existence through the increasing build up of strip malls and highways is pretty impressive. I was confident that I wanted to take a stand for this place. Getting stung by a bee on my way out was a little annoying, but it added to the wild beauty of the place.

The meeting was so enlightening. I really got to see some of the people from the area in a way that I haven't been able to yet:

The older hippies who come to every town meeting to take a stand against evil corporations, who are taking away our natural resources and our freedom.

The angry guy who tried to turn the meeting into a rally by screaming, 'you have to LISTEN to us! You can't keep us quiet!' and got kicked out of the meeting.

The woman, an older intellectual hippie, who had her paperwork and had did her research. She condescendingly reminded the committee that they hadn't thought of every detail and made them question themselves.

The guy who was on multiple committees and - literally - wore different hats when he came up to speak on the different subjects.

The tie-dye skirted woman who just wanted to argue about dogs being leashed and was texting the rest of the meeting - she was even still texting when she walked up to the microphone to make a comment.

The land owner who was trying to explain why he wanted to sell his land to a big business, only giving vague details and not being able to answer any question with a direct answer. 

And then there was us. The younger generation, giving a face of youthful rationality to counterbalance the older attendees who couldn't seem to listen well enough to speak to the appropriate agenda item.

It was really enlightening. Who knows what sort of impact any of us had, but being there together and showing the committee the many faces that would fight for a cause must have given them some pause. They claimed not to have much control over this situation, but now it is their responsibility to relay our message to those whose ears they certainly have. 

And if they have the passion of the people I saw at the meeting, the place we fought for could retain its essence.

Needing to Listen

I've been lagging on writing lately, mostly because I realize that I'm not listening enough. I keep writing words, words, words, and my calculating mind assumes that if I write enough words I will finally come to an understanding of what I need to express. But what I need to express should be expressed of its own accord - and the act of trying to figure out what I need to say is creating the very wall that my creativity can't seem to break through.

I want to share new ideas and funny/interesting things on my blog and I will return to that. But for now I'm trying to let go of some 'shoulds'. As usual, I start to make creative acts into scheduled 'to-dos'. Blogging became that and therefore I have been unable to speak from a place of spontaneity and honesty. It's become, "I should write a new post - what should I write about?" Too many shoulds, and less interesting posts as a result.

My mind understands, and that understanding is what undermines me. When I find a new way of unearthing my creativity, I turn it into a task that I 'must do' in order to 'become creative'. It filters into my schedule and it becomes a checklist item, rather than...well, the problem is I can't seem to figure out what place it would hold, if not as an item that I need to accomplish.

Play? Play is undirected and my mind gets instantly triggered into thinking, 'if you 'just' play, you won't really get anything accomplished, so it's no different than sitting around reading a book - so let's do that instead.' Not so, I know. Being able to play and improving my play is deepening my creative practice. So why is it that I know this - at least, intuitively do - but it doesn't seem to make a difference?

Someone recently asked me if I was committed to overcoming these obstacles, these walls that I create for myself - as I talk myself in all directions and make justifications for the way I am; as I say that I want to be a certain way; as I say that I want to play more and open space for my creativity; as I say that I want to let go of all of the structure that has built itself up in my mind.

Of course I said yes.

Saying it doesn't make it so. And I keep discouraging myself from actually making it so by saying that I don't know 'what it looks like' to be fully committed to it. And if I don't know what it looks like, I can't do it.

I wish I could say that now that I've explained this it's helped me gain clarity about how to play without feeling I 'should', to speak from the creative heart and not filter it, to express my anger and disagreement so I can present myself to the world in a balanced way, to drop the structure when I go into a creative zone, and to understand what I want and need, in every moment.

Truth is, I'm still thinking, "I don't know what it looks like".

What the Universe Wants For You

Have you ever hoped the world would unfold in a certain unlikely way, and it happened? Every time it happens to me, I gain a little bit more arrogance that I am godlike. I start to believe if I think something hard enough, it will without fail manifest before my eyes. But I haven't yet gained telekenesis, so my arrogance is still manageable.

No, I jest. I am not gaining excessive arrogance, though I am becoming more confident about choice and control. What I'm realizing is that a lot of the negative energy I was receiving from the world was not because the world was giving me negative energy; it was because I wasn't asking for positive energy. I was standing in the neutral zone, too timid to ask for what I needed from the universe.

Well, of course it didn't provide if I didn't ask.

So I've been asking more often. Saying what I need and then I feel magical because what I ask for blossoms around me. It's been very useful in finding my footing physically as well as emotionally. It's clarified my already existing connections, and it's helping to make new connections happen more naturally.

There is, of course, the balance issue. What I need from the universe also comes with what the universe must give me, to keep everything equal.

Aside: I seem to enjoy vague, abstract descriptions, like the above. I had always thought that they sounded really poetic and intriguing, until I started getting feedback in school. My teachers would say that I was speaking too vaguely and I stopped making sense. That input has followed me to this day, in reactions people have when I try to preface an anecdote I'm about to tell them. So now I'll move on to the more coherent anecdote.

The situations I've been choosing for myself recently have been resulting in happiness and abundance. However, they have also come with strange ironies - karmic ironies, as I see it. Most of my relationships are deeply connected and natural with the people around me. But I've also been surrounding myself with people that I have trouble communicating with, people who frustrate me and make me work to work with them. I'd done a bit of slate wiping and starting fresh since my move, and I deliberately intended to eliminate all future frustrating situations relating to interpersonal connections. (Ah, the Idealist.)

Well, I was beginning to think that the universe was telling me that I needed to teach them, or help them connect with others. Trying to be positive - a friend, a mentor. And in one instance, a person who wasn't connecting with me, was treating me with disrespect and immaturity, turned around when I laid down my boundary and held open the space for them to connect with me. So that was part of it.

In another instance, though, the universe is handing me something else entirely. The universe has given me someone who I see regularly, who unequivocally dislikes me. Someone that I can't be reasonable and friendly to and receive emotions in response that are at least neutral.

I try very hard to keep things positive and neutral, if not downright loving with everyone I encounter (this is of course not including strangers and moments of irrationality - I've had my share of blind rage). But the universe seems to demand that I exist for a time without the rational expectation that trying to connect and make peace will evoke a compatible response in another person.

The universe needs to break me of my naivete, so I can fully manifest. And also, the universe is chastising me once again for holding so desperately to my expectations.

It's fair. And I'm going to keep telling the universe what I need - so I'll take it all in stride.

Wishing

I don't hear enough people saying they 'wish they were strong enough to handle and control their negative emotions', so much as they say they 'wish they were happy'. 


They don't as often say they want 'to feel beautiful' - only that they want 'to look beautiful'. 


That they want, 'to really see other people', rather than wanting 'to be famous and have everyone see them'.


 They don't wish for more knowledge so they can decide the best course for themselves and others, so much as they want to be told what they should do. 


Fleeting moments, the latter wishes.


Gotta embody the matter that inhabits the space where your essence resides. 


I like the sound of that sentence.  

Affected

What happens when you are affected easily by others' emotions but you have to set them aside? 

At work, my job is to be with people as they (hopefully) get well. And I want them to get well. When they don't, I am sad, and when they are frustrated about not getting better quickly, I get stressed out. It's great that I have empathy and I can deeply resonate with their emotions, but it really doesn't benefit me in this sort of situation where I don't have any control over their success or failure, and I'm not really qualified to do anything about it other than be there with them. 

Or does it matter? Is it bad that I stress out over the weekend because I'm concerned about the well-being of a patient who I have no control over whether or not they get better? Me being caring and present for them potentially helps, so maybe it does matter that I care so much. However, being hopeful that I can affect them only makes it harder when they don't get better - because I feel like I've failed somehow. 

I'm definitely taking it too personally but I'm not sure how impersonal I'd want to get. I didn't get this job because it was my life's dream. I got this job because I wanted to take care of people and make money while I'm working on music. So I have to detach myself a little bit. I know there has to be an in-between but I am just having a hard time seeing it. 

Well, tonight I am going to flail around like they do in the East Bay, dancing ecstatically and letting my stresses go for the evening. 

Being on vacation

The idea of being on vacation has quite a powerful effect on the mind. I could be sitting at home with all the time in the world or sitting in a hotel room, on vacation. In which scenario will I feel more relaxed and utilize my time more efficiently? Ironically, in the comfort of my own home I have access to more tools of creativity and more wide blocks of time at my disposal. But, when I'm on vacation, so is my mind.

Eating a meal becomes an exciting event, and when there's time in between touristy adventures, I can write a blog entry or practice guitar and it's fun rather than practice. It's apparently the only time I really allow myself to stop with scheduling and task completion for longer than an hour or two. Gotta figure out how to see life as the vacation.

My creativity has been flowing. I've been going through phases where I write a lot, a lot of it being useless and potentially meaningless, but some things are worthwhile. This, ultimately, is the best approach because in an abundance of rubbish there are at least some things that are inspiring. Conversely, if you have only two pieces of rubbish, your chances of finding inspiration becomes less.

But I also go through stages of observance (while also hoping this isn't giving a fancy word to laziness). In these stages I'm writing less, but I'm a little more exposed in the world, going out a little more, and having conversations or sitting quietly and thinking, rather than keeping my mind attached to the end of a pencil (figuratively, of course - who uses pencils anymore? :-p)

I think now that I've been writing more and I'm gaining more of a sense of how to express my thoughts in a coherent, hopefully engaging way, I'm not needing to write every word that comes through my mind. Anyway, my mind's probably too much to handle, like Charlie Sheen's - you'd all be like, dude, take it back! - ok, that was just a necessary, timely reference.

Aside from the fears that if I don't trap my thoughts right away they will disappear, I think it doesn't hurt for an idea to stew and evolve a little bit before being brought into existence.

So that's my theory in this stage, where I've been less exposed. I've also been quite busy in the work ways, and having a vacation in the middle of it has been nice. I was allowing myself to sink into the hole of endless tasks again - I really have to keep a reign on that.

Well, I've reset and recharged - tomorrow is a new day.

Dogbot

I've been having an all-work-little-play kind of a week, unfortunately. But have no fear, I still have ways to entertain you:

The Freaky Story of the Dog Head Transplants and the Giant Dogbot That Never Was

I wouldn't suggest reading it if decapitated dogs upset you - of course, they weren't dead decapitated dogs so thats a plus!

This is also in celebration of my boyfriend's birthday - he sent this to me and I figured a good way to spread the celebration was to freak other people out with it. So, enjoy!

Telling vs. Asking

There are people who love to tell others what to do. Nothing is up for collaboration or discussion - the way they tell it is simply the way it is. Their opposite, the askers, are always asking what they should do. They want to know what is their best move and won't take any initiative to try something before they have permission.

Asking = passive, insecure
Telling = dominant, confident

It's not black and white, and certainly not a positive/negative dichotomy - and I know I don't fall fully into either category. For some things I am more of an asker, and other times I am more of a teller.

Sometimes I ask but don't wait to hear the answer, which I mentioned in a previous post. This usually does not result in success.

Sometimes I tell but won't consider other options, which might be due to my stubborn astrological sign (Aries). This also does not result in success.

When I need to ask a question, that's because I usually need to know the answer. But sometimes I ask questions that don't need to be asked. I could infer the answer from knowledge I already have, or I can easily gain that knowledge on my own. So why do I ask? And what happens when I ask so many questions that I can no longer tell which ones really need to be answered?

There's something about asking questions that I enjoy. I like to connect to people, with a mission of expanding knowledge - but I'm questioning whether or not asking too many questions and not giving equivalent answers is selfish. Like I mentioned in my other post, I'm not really retaining information if I'm asking too many questions, and if I'm asking endless questions that don't need to be asked, I'm also not aware of whether or not the questioned person is getting anything beneficial from our dialogue. Give and take should be equal.

And there's also the danger of relieving yourself of responsibility by asking so many questions of others. If it is everyone else's responsibility to provide you with the answer, you don't have to worry about taking action. I certainly don't like falling into that trap.

There's a point where the student needs to become the teacher. I was so well trained to be a student and it seems I'm having a hard time letting go of that. I need to be both a student and a teacher in my life.

So the real question that I keep asking and need to start answering - what do I have to teach?

...

Somewhat unrelated passive-aggressive notes that I found while looking for relevant passive and aggressive images to add into this post, that amused me too much to not include:

Have you ever thought...

¨ What it would be like to sweep after every step you took? 

¨ Whether or not a perfect stranger you walk past on the street enjoys walking in nature?

¨ If a cat sees into your soul, better than you can?

¨ What it feels like for a tree to be thirsty?

¨ When people first made oil out of tree nuts?

¨ How often you would sing if you lived in the decade/century you idolize?

¨ What the world looks 1,000 miles from where you are?

¨ When the first time you smiled was?

¨ What your computer would look like if you could see atomic energy spectrums?

¨ Whether or not the itch will stop on its own if you just don't touch it?

¨ If you have a connection to a person who fell in love today?

¨ About the difference between integrity and kindness?

¨ If you had always collected all of those rubber glue dots that are on commercial mailings and made them into a rubber ball, about how big that ball would be?

¨ What a star really sounds like in space, if you were right next to it?

¨ About the image of vegetables eeking out their nutrients and the dissipation into boiling water?

¨ What it would feel like to slide on your belly, if you were a penguin?

¨ What a firework feels like when it explodes, if you could be right next to it?

¨ If something you say to a group of friends triggers a nostalgic memory which invokes in someone an unrelated scent to fill their nostrils? (not food)

¨ How long an idea was in your unconscious before your conscious became aware of it?

¨ What life would have been like, if you had chosen differently?

¨ What life is like, because you didn't? 

Strange Inventions

It's been raining for the past few days here, and today the sun has finally emerged. Therefore, I thought today would be a good day to post some really strange inventions :-) It turns out the Japanese have a word for such objects - Chindogou.

Man Breast Feeder

Apparently, men got jealous that women held their children at chest level to feed them. Holding a bottle to their mouth the regular way just wasn't the same. Or perhaps it has nothing to do with the child at all....Daddy might need to admit to Mommy that he actually feels like a second Mommy.

Hair Drying Tube

I'm pretty sure that this doesn't solve my needs. If I want anything with my hair dryer to be improved, I want it to at least be completely hands-free. And I can only imagine what my hair would look like when it came out. Guess I could start a new cone-hair trend. 

Hay Fever Hat

This one I could have used while living on the East Coast. Instead of having boxes of tissues everywhere, and tissues in my pocket and purse 'just in case', I could have been wearing my tissues on my head the whole time! It's unfortunate when great insights come after the fact...

Full Body Umbrella

This one would actually almost be really useful - aside from the fact that everywhere you went, you would be burdened with this huge mass of dripping plastic. I'm sure you'd make a lot of friends this way.

Broom Shoes

The only way this makes any sense at all is if you are trying to incorporate your precision footwork practice in all of your waking activities. These wouldn't be worn in public, so one would assume that where you can find these shoes, there is also a normal-sized broom and dustpan to be found. Unless you are very adept with your feet (and therefore could justify practicing your footwork) you wouldn't be very successful in cleaning up any crumbs anyway. I would, however, like to watch someone use this in action. I can imagine a graceful Squat and Twist.

Running Alarm Clock

This thing is hilarious and I  think I want one. It's an alarm clock that runs away from you. If you don't wake up and turn it off, or if you try to hit snooze, it jumps off the bedside table and hides from you. It will bump into things and make a lot of noise trying to find said hiding spot - AND it will look for a different hiding spot every day. Nothing like waking up to a stressful cat-and-mouse chase.

Noodle Face Guard

Who needs hair ties? When I'm out on a date looking beautiful, the last thing I need is to pull back my hair - I took an hour to look this good! It obviously makes more sense to keep my beautiful locks hanging free and to put on a noodle face guard. Be honest - she's a hot date.

Prism Reading Glasses

This invention didn't have any description along with it. My theory? I think they are prism reading glasses: Lay down and be completely relaxed while reading! No more neck tension from holding that head up! Prism Glasses take the images of the pages off your book and divert them down so when you lay on your back and look straight up, there's your book!

USB Toaster

Nothing like being artistic with your food. This USB toaster allows you to jack into your computer and toast whatever images you want into them. I guess that means we're going to have a lot more people seeing the Virgin Mary in their toast...